Gaia No Podcast
 
There was a time, long ago (AKA The mid to late '90s), when vampires actually were pretty cool. They weren't mainstream and they weren't extremely popular, they were just cool. Take this badass character for example:
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Blade in all his fucking awesomeness
This is/was Blade. He is part vampire and he is part human. And he is fecking awesome!! If you don't know already (either you're too young or you weren't nerdy enough to like vampires back then like i was) Blade is a character made by Marvel comics. (Creators of Spider-man, X-Men, etc) And he goes around beating the shit out of vampires. So no, he's not the bad guy even though he's part vampire. He's a vampire hunter! but he still gets cravings for blood and stuff. There were three Blade movies made, all pretty awesome each in their own ways, but there was one common theme: BEING BADASS. So yes, Vampires were badass for a time, well at least vampire hunters were. Even Buffy was pretty badass... But then it all changed.


On the 19th of December, 2008, a movie was released based on a book. This movie/book series was to change the face of vampires forever. The film's name was Twilight.


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Kill me. Kill me now.
Just writing about this is killing me. I had to save that image over there to the right! You see what you made me do Rant of The Week? DO YOU SEE?! If you don't know (the only way you wouldn't know about it is if you've been living in a vietnamese pipe because it is plastered EVERYWHERE), Twilight is about a girl that falls in love with some vampire asshole named Edward. OK, sounds good i guess for any vampire fan.. I mean "Underworld" was about a vampire woman who fell in love with a human.. (Underworld was yet another BADASS vampire film.).. But, in every other vampire movie there seems to be a mathematical equation.

SUNLIGHT               +               VAMPIRE                 =                 
VAMPIRE BURNS BECAUSE VAMPIRES CANNOT LIVE WHEN EXPOSED TO SUNLIGHT.

But Twilight seems to have taken a different approach to this equation:

SUNLIGHT               +               VAMPIRE                 =
VAMPIRE SPARKLES AND LOOKS RIDICULOUS. DOESN'T DIE. DOESN'T MAKE ANY GOD DAMN SENSE.

Yes, that's right. The vampires in Twilight sparkle. SPARKLE! They don't burn (and believe me, i would love to see the vampires in Twilight just burn.) and they don't die. What's the point? Why do so many 12 year old girls (and one of my male friends -_-) find this drivel about stupid vampire ruiners so intriguing? Is it this Edward Guy?! Because i have seen what he really looks like..

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Seriously people! If you want to watch an actual GOOD vampire movie then watch something like Blade or Underworld, even go back to Bram Stoker's Dracula if you have to! Van Helsing is also a good 'un.

You may be wondering what this has to do with WoW though, and it is the fact that some Twilight fanatics who also play WoW may start RPing as vampires (I'd guess Belf DKs are the best for doing so, or Warlocks). I haven't yet but i am waiting to see characters called "EdwurdCullan" or something like that. And when Cataclysm hits, they are all going to make Worgen because Twilight of course includes pissy versions of werewolves. I won't be at all surprised to see multiple worgen called "Jacob" (the name of the stupid werewolf leader in Twilight) or variations on that name. And i will try and be levelling my Worgen, and they will try and RP, and i will cry.

Bottom Line; Twilight is SHIT. Kids, Don't do Twilight! It could lead to serious problems.

And, i leave you with this gem.
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Rant Over.
 


Comments

Hito

Sat, 03 Apr 2010 7:22:35 am

Argh! Kill all.. prettyboy vampires! Blade night anyone?

 

Zeck

Mon, 05 Apr 2010 3:16:11 am

I am awaiting the glorious day when the Blade trilogy will be released on Blu-Ray. Then i will watch them all in all their glory, and slap the twilighters in the face

 



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